Some Words on Grief

As some of my readers will already know, my Dad died at the end of October. This post actually marks one month since his passing. I’ve taken a bit of a break from my blog because I’ve understandably been having a hard time dealing with this loss. However, my Dad was my number one fan, and he read all of my posts. He would want me to keep writing, as do I. Writing can be a cathartic tool for coping with grief. I therefore thought I would take the time now to write some words on grief. These are words loved ones have shared with me recently, or sentiments that I’ve come across, conveying how we try to process a death. If you are grieving the loss of a loved one, I hope these words offer you some empathetic comfort.

The Worst Hobby

A friend who faced a similar loss wrote to me explaining that her grief is a hobby she never wanted. Grief can take up a lot of time, energy, and mental strength. Another friend described her dad’s passing as “the worst”. Its not just hard or difficult, it’s the worst heartbreaking feeling, and “almost unbearable” as another loved one wrote.

Disbelief and Shock

Countless loved ones have said to me “I don’t know what to say” , that they “can’t believe he is gone”, or that they are in shock. I have just been responding that there isn’t anything to say and that it is what it is. It’s just the worst.

The Ultimate Price

Our late Queen once said “Grief is the price we pay for love” and this sentiment was shared by those who loved her during her funeral.

The Void

I’ve been reading Frankenstein, and soon after my Dad died I read the following passage, which beautifully sums up the process of grief.

I need not describe the feelings of those whose dearest ties are rent by that most irreparable evil, the void that presents itself to the soul, and the despair that is exhibited on the countenance. It is so long before the mind can persuade itself that [they] whom we saw every day and whose very existence appeared a part of our own can have departed forever — at the brightness of a beloved eye can have been extinguished and the sound of a voice so familiar and dear to the ear can be hushed, never more to be heard. These are the reflections of the first days; but when the lapse of time proves the reality of the evil, then the actual bitterness of grief commences. Yet from whom has not that rude hand rent away some dear connection? And why should I describe a sorrow which all have felt, and must feel? The time at length arrives when grief is rather an indulgence than a necessity; and the smile that plays upon the lips, although it may be deemed a sacrilege, is not banished. [Mary Shelley – Frankenstein]

For now, life is on hold and I am taking each day as it comes. I will keep enjoying my life, keep writing, keep smiling, because that’s exactly what Dad wanted for me – happiness.